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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has always been the safe haven of your Daily, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to find out that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity playing for City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|